Do you want to hear a funny story? As caregivers we do a lot for our loved ones. Some days are hectic and stressful. It's usually the day that our loved one, has some sort of doctor's appointment. Anyone else?
Like every other morning, I got up early. It's still dark outside early. Changed into some workout clothes. And headed to the trail for a run. I've recently found running again. It was a solid staple in my life before caregiving. But I've needed some stress relief lately. I'd started running in the summer. And it quickly became a great habit. Only to be sidelined when I got shingles this fall. So here I am. Running on the riverbank at the crack of dawn. Well before my Mom gets up in the morning.
I came back all gross and sweaty. But feeling great. Don't you love physical activity? Then I tried to wakeup my Mom. Who had an early appointment with her Oncologist. I say early. But it was scheduled for 9AM. And it was a telemedicine appointment. Honestly, those stress me out more than normal appointments. Because so much can go wrong. It was still technically early for my Mom. So I knew it would be a bit challenging.
My Mom didn't want to wake up. I still had to get her showered, dressed, and fed. I needed to feed the dogs. And send them outside. Which would still cause dramatics. Because they don't realize they're dogs. And if I keep them inside, they'll do nothing but bark when they hear the doctor. Because my Mom's dog HATES men!
I know this out of experience. Because she tried to attack the phone. Once while we were having an appointment with a cardio fellow. Then I couldn't get her outside. So we ended the call. I got her outside. And the doctor had to call us back. Never again folks. Those 2 will have to go outside.
Isn't it bad enough that we don't have WIFI at home. So we use my phone. Instead of a tablet or laptop. And my Mom can't hold it. Because of her broken arm. So I have to set something up. To have the phone high enough to see her face. Loud enough for me to hear. So I know what is going on. If I have to make appointments, take her for a test, etc.
We finally make it through a shower. I'm now drenched. Anyone who has ever had to wear a wet sports bra...knows it took forever to maneuver out of that. So I throw on my nightgown. Clip my hair up. Get my Mom dressed. Comb her hair. And provide her with Huevos Mexicanos, coffee, and a tortilla. I'm a total wreck. Trying to feed the dogs. My Mom's dog...of course is fighting me. Won't eat. But won't leave her food. 2 minutes until appointment time...I'm praying the doctor is running late. Because I have one dog sitting on my Mom's lap, another ready to bite me. And my Mom hasn't eaten much.
I'm literally sweating. And then we get the call before the appointment. From the office. 5 minutes. OMG! Someone come and rescue me. I manage to get my dog outside. And now my Mom is fighting with her dog. As I attempt to bribe her. She's finally heading out the door. And either her or my Mom, drops my Mom's coffee and my phone. No time for this...
I get the dog outside. I'm cleaning up the coffee. Making a new cup. Trying to get my Mom to eat more breakfast before her appointment. Or she won't eat. Because it will be cold. And she remembers she hasn't had her morning meds. Me silently praying the doctor has to take a break or something before calling us.
She's taking her pills, and we get the text to start the appointment. I'm in a full on sweat. My heart is racing. And my Mom now wants me to sit next to her for the appointment. Um, I have a face mask on. That I should have rinsed off about 45 minutes ago. In my nightgown...a bit of TMI here. But I'm being real. No bra. My hair in a hot mess on top of my head. No thanks Mom. Let me just set this up for you and I'll be on the other side of the phone.
I'm pretty sure the doctor may have gotten an unexpected look at something. As I was trying to make the stupid connection work. Then they got to chatting. And I got to prepping a chicken for the dogs. And one for our dinner. Whole chickens.
The two of them are chatting away. I don't really know what about. As I now have my hands up the backside of a chicken. Stuffing it with oranges and herbs. When I hear, "Where is Desiree?" And I see my Mom reach for the phone. My panic stricken face. I think she thought twice. I know what she was going to do. Whip the phone around so I could say Hello.
And it happened to be one of those appointments when he needed to chat to us both. I was listening to the plan. My Mom was asking questions. I'm also covered in chicken juices. As I'm trying to finish what I'm doing. And not make any noise by going to wash my hands. I also can't leave the kitchen...because I might miss something from the appointment.
I think the doctor realized these are probably not the best sort of appointments for us. My Mom has had a couple with him. But at the end of this appointment...he told her, "I'll see you in the office from now on." Thank goodness! Because she'll get up earlier then. And we have to physically be somewhere else. So I don't have to fight with her. And the dogs. And well, I'll have my bra on. So I can talk to the doctor.
I know. That sounded weird. But it was a weird day. As they were saying their goodbyes, I ran to wash my hands. Hoping my Mom wouldn't pick up the phone. But who knows. When I got back, she was still connected to the call. Maybe he got a look at my 2 chickens. In their pans. On the counter. Or the stack of folded laundry on the chair next to the couch where my Mom was. Maybe even...the box of Christmas decorations. Because I had literally just taken down the Christmas tree. Before I went on my run.
Not all the telemedicine appointments are so crazy. OK, about a year ago, I bought a new phone. Because of the telemed appointments. Got home. My Mom was having an appointment with rheumatology. The phone would not work. We missed the appointment. Just my luck. Every appointment with cardiology has gone smoothly. Since the dog incident. And I actually sit in with my Mom. Because I usually have to take her vitals for them. But for whatever reason...Oncology and these appointments don't sit well for us. Last January, my Mom also had one. In which she dropped my phone into the Christmas Tree. I just don't know. Just glad it's over. This man also probably thinks I'm a nut!
