Selflessness

Selflessness: concern more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own.

I find that one of the most important things about being a caregiver...is being selfless. You ALWAYS have to put the person you are caring for...first. ALWAYS!

For example, my Mom hasn't been tolerating food lately. I'm not sure what is going on. Every few months, she gets like this. Nothing really changes it. It's just something that happens. The look of food, smell, texture...all bother her. She basically becomes a vegetarian. And lives off of bread and eggs.

The biggest issue is meat. It's been a good 6 weeks since I've been able to cook meat. I mean, even the Sonic, McDonald's, and Chili's commercials make her sick. We normally eat a lot of chicken. But it's now become an almost daily part of our diet.

In the same respect, I'm severely anemic. I take a daily high dose of iron. And a weekly bolus. Sometimes it gets so bad, that I have to have an infusion. So meat is definitely a cornerstone of my diet.

Late last week, I was getting the shakes. I knew I needed to eat some red meat. Nothing else was working. So when my Mom went to bed...I went to get a burger. And in the cold, I sat outside to eat it.

It took me 2 days to get the smell out of our car. I felt somewhat better. But we are still a meatless house. For the moment. It's just one of those things. And I just have to figure my way around it.

Another example of putting her first, is happening tomorrow. My Mom and my aunts are going out to lunch and a movie. A movie that I've been wanting to see for months! But I need to take care of some medical things. For my Mom. And the fact that I don't have to drag her around town, in the cold, comes first.

So she'll go have a fun day. And I'll run around setting up upcoming tests, getting financial paperwork done, and delivering some orders. Because...we need to pay for all that good medical stuff. I probably make deliveries 2-3 times a week. And I HATE to make my Mom go with me. Especially since it's gotten so cold again.

I guess eventually, the movie will come out on TV. And I'll probably grab a quick bite on my way home. Which is also a treat. Because I try to cook most of the time. Maybe I'll pick up a good burger. Yum!

I also find, setting up mini dates helps a lot. Even if you rarely get to go out yourself. But if you can arrange for your person to go to breakfast, a movie, or just visit with someone...even for an hour. It helps you to get things done. 

Even if all you want to do, is stay home and sleep. Find someone who can maybe stay with your loved one, while you do your weekly grocery shopping. Or your monthly errands. Even just a monthly 2 hours...so you can meet with your medical team to setup appointments and such. 💜

Have Faith

I'm not sure if you are people of faith. But we are. I can say, over the last 10 years...my faith has been tested...more than once. I've questioned it. Believed. And held tight to my faith. 

It's not always been pretty. Or something that brought me comfort. But it is something that has given me strength. Grace. And courage. I found in the darkest moments of my life...my faith has grown the most!

I'm not going to lie here. During my Dad's last 6-9 months of life...I was barely hanging on. By the time Sunday morning would roll around, I could barely get him ready. On time. To go to Church with my Mom. 

I'd use the 2-3 hours that they were gone...to sleep. Maybe take a long shower. Mostly cry. Get all of the emotion out of my system, before they got home. I couldn't even imagine going to church. The thing I had done my entire life. 

It didn't mean that I lost my faith. Not by any means. It just meant, that the structure of my faith was changing. I read the bible more. Studied it harder. Spent more time, reflecting with God.

I watched God work through my Dad. I saw God, through my Dad's eyes. It brought me closer to my Maker. To see my Dad, as he was being called home. To watch the peace take over his body, as he was meeting our Maker.

I can say, without any doubt, I met God. When my Dad was dying. He is the reason I made it through that part of my journey. It's not something you can study. Or learn. It has to be lived. You have to experience it, to know it. I've tried many times to explain it...but words fail me.

Even in my Dad's last hours, I chose God over fear. Knowing that my Dad, was going to meet our Maker. Knowing he'd be reunited with our loved ones. That the Angels were calling him home. And our family and friends, would be waiting. To celebrate with him. 

It still makes me emotional to talk about. To try and explain. My Dad passed before Easter. And that Easter Season, my soul was wide open. Ready for God's love, mercy, and grace. I was raw with emotion.

But not once, was I full of fear. No. Even in those last few moments, I had peace. Because I had months, to prepare for those moments. To know, my Dad would no longer be hurting, in pain, or suffering. Did I want my Dad to be with us longer? Yes! But I couldn't watch the cancer eating him alive. 

With my Mom, it's been a bit different. Maybe the experience of the previous 5 or so years. Maybe it's that I'm closer to God. Or that I've survived such sorrow. But it's different.

Even for my Mom. We feel more peace. What's to be, is to be. We can't predict the future. We can't change it. But we can have faith. Not just in God. But in our medical team. In the people who provide her care.

My Mom hasn't been feeling well. For over a month. It started before Christmas. There are moments...and maybe even a day or 2, when she feels OK. But nothing that really turns the tide.

She skipped Church almost the entire month of January. For me, that's always a HUGE red flag. That she's not doing well. For a few weeks, she was sleeping more...than she was awake. 

Sunday we had decided to sell at our Church's Craft Show. Just to get out of the house. We never make a ton of money. It's more about being with our Church family. My Mom had been sleeping a ton, prior. And just not feeling great.

But on Sunday, she went and hung out with some of our friends. Helped them at the food stand. Passing out drinks. Laughing. It was pretty amazing to see! It's just another reminder, of how great God is. When we least expect it, he shows us that he is still in control. I've learned, I have to hold onto my Faith...or I'll NEVER make it through this journey. 💜

Fundraising Fridays #5

I'm still riding that Yoda bandwagon. And we have a Craft Show this weekend! But I needed to make something different. Even for just a few hours. Something quick. And easy. That was cute. I present...these Boho Earrings. 

I've managed about 10 pairs. During one movie. These are the ONLY purple ones that I have. They're 100% cotton. Let me know if you are interested in a pair. 💜

Fundraising Fridays #4

Yodas have taken over my life! And my crochet hook. So this week's Love Caregivers item comes from my Mom. This sweet Lalaloopsy. She's about 18 inches long. And that hair...guys it is so soft!

Purple Lalaloopsy Dolls are probably our best sellers. We can rarely keep enough of them stocked. So if you are interested, please let me know. 💜

Fundraising Fridays #3

This week, I got to test a pattern. For a designer on Facebook. What a beautiful hat! It's a toddler size hat. And the pom is removeable for washing. I've attached a small button inside, to make it easy to move the pom. 

I have enough yarn, in this color to make another hat. An adult size. I'll probably be working on it this weekend. Let me tell you, it's super soft! If it was my size...I probably would have kept it! 

If you are interested, please leave me a comment. Or send me an email. Like always, when you see us selling...any items with the purple heart, sales go directly to the Love Caregivers section of our foundation. Happy Friday! 💜

Fundraising Fridays #2

Last week, I mentioned that I run a dog business. And I've been trying to add more sweaters and hats to our stock. Because people really do like dressing up their pets. I know I do! My dog may or may not have her own closet!

I made this sweet hat. With a pompom and ties. If you notice on the sides, there are ear holes. So the dog's ears can peak out the sides. I'm currently working on a matching sweater. Let me know if you are interested. 💜

Fundraising Fridays #1

So I want to try something new. I run our little business Two Crafty Hearts. It's a business that my Mom and I started almost 20 years ago. And for the last 5 or 6 years, we've really expanded. We sell at local Craft Shows and Growers' Markets.

People always ask about the various colors of tags. So here's a quick run down. We have a pink that goes with the dog section of our business Love, Puppy Momma. I make various dog items. We have an orange tag, that goes with a foundation we started for my Mom when she got sick in 2016. It's to help pay her medical bills.

We have a yellow tag, were sales go directly into our scholarship fund for Love for Blue. Those sales are used just for scholarships for ABQ Youth. Our green tag, that's the one that is for our business. The one that pays the bills. 

The last two, are our biggest sellers. The blue tag benefits the Love for Blue Foundation. We use money from this fund for scholarships, for sponsorships, to help Cancer families, for fundraisers, and once a year we make a donation in my Dad's name. To cancer research. He's the reason we started all of this. And unfortunately, we lost him to Colon Cancer in 2015.

Lastly, our purple tags go to support this place. Our Love Caregivers section. We use this money to send notes, cards, or small gifts to caregivers. We try and host a meal every 3 months or so...at our local hospital. For caregivers. And we try and help, when we can, with some of the expenses for local caregivers. Like meals while their loved one is in the hospital, a tank of gas, or on occasion...a hotel room.

All of this takes a lot of money. And time. When we are not actively selling at the Growers' Markets...money gets really tight. And our work greatly slows down. So I thought, why not showcase some of the items to benefit Love Caregivers.

So I'm going to be honest here. I've been on the Yoda bandwagon. And not much else is being made. But I still need to create some items for this space. I made about 10 of these little bags. They hold little ponies, unicorns, and pegasus.

I've made these bags for years. But for boys. With cars, bugs, and toy soldiers. And the other day, I thought why not make some for the girls? These bags actually came out of a convo with some kids. They were looking for little bags to stash their "treasures."

If you are interested, please leave me a comment. Or send me an email. I'll continue to post my "purple" creations weekly. And if you are interested in purchasing products that directly go to this cause...look for the purple tags when you see us out and about! 💜

Love Caregivers 💜

Hi guys! My name is Desiree. And I'm a caregiver. It's been a full time job...for nearly 10 years. First, I cared for my Dad. Until his passing in 2015. It was over 5 years of the toughest times in my life. But I would not change that time...even if I could. To be with him, when he needed me the most...was life changing.

In 2016, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer as well. And instead of heading home like planned...I stayed to take care of my Mom too. Some would think, this time around would be easier. But it hasn't been. There are plenty of challenges, that I face on a daily occurrence. I have more knowledge of how the system works, what to expect, and how to navigate through it all. But it's just as challenging.

I started the Love Caregivers part of our foundation, in 2015. When we began our foundation. I knew from experience...just how difficult and lonely it is to be a caregiver.

Caregiver: A caregiver or informal caregiver is an unpaid and without formal training, member of a person's social network who helps them with activities of daily living. Caregiving is most commonly used to address impairments related to old age, disability, a disease, or a mental disorder.

By definition, you know it's going to be tough. But I don't think anyone REALLY knows how difficult the journey is going to be. I know I didn't. At all! Even though, we helped take care of plenty of relatives before.

As part of the Love Caregivers movement, for the past 5 years I've been sending out cards, care packages, and giftcards...to caregivers and children of sick families. I began my work, in my Dad's hospital room. After years of connecting, with other caregivers.

I knew firsthand, how tough long stays in the hospital could be. How lonely, the long weeks at home would become. And how not many people, really understood what I was going through.

During my Dad's last year of life, we joined a Support Group. At our Cancer Center. It was life changing! And I'd strongly suggest, you to do the same. Once a week, we'd meet at the Cancer Center. My Dad was never too thrilled. But immediately following his diagnosis, we were asked to attend. The doctors in our Cancer Center really know, how to take care of the entire family.

My Dad, Mom, and I would go. His doctor noticed his resistance. And immediately started scheduling his appointments, to coincide with the Support Group. The meetings were about 2 hours long. They provided lunch. Only patients and their caregivers were allowed.

And it was a completely safe place. To discuss everything. From diagnosis, to treatment, to end of life care. Patients could talk to each other about what they were going through. Caregivers could support one another. And all of our team (doctors, nurses, PT, PT, psychologists, therapists, financial representatives, insurance people, etc.) would attend. Each week, one of them would lead a small discussion.

It was a life changing experience. There is no other way to put it. These people, became my safety net. And after my Dad's death, I still attended for a few months. They supported me through my grief. And I was a wealth of knowledge...for people on this journey. While my Mom worked, I would go to the meetings. It saved my life. And me from having a breakdown.

With all of this, I realized the need for a safe space. To talk. To go to for answers. To be supportive. That's where this space was born from. I started on Facebook. And chatted with people through email. But I see the need for this space.

In 2020, I want to blog more often. Talk about the topics and questions, that I receive. I feel like, so many families are looking for answers. And I can give you, some of the things I've learned along the way. The tough stuff. The financial stuff. The emotional stuff.

If you have questions, please feel free to leave me a comment, send me an email, or reach out to me on social media. I want to be part of your safety net. And I'm here to tell you, whatever your journey is...you will get through it. There might be bumps in the road...but you will make it. 💜