She Is Brave

 I keep telling my Mom just how brave she is. I don't think she realizes it. I think she doubts herself. My Dad's journey keeps creeping in. When you don't want it to. She thinks of everything he went through. And she gets scared. I get it. 

But with all her injuries. All the set backs. All the pain. My Mom is pushing forward. Yesterday was the first time, I saw her super anxious and not in full control. It was tough. And I was struggling with that. 

Because anyone that knows my Mom, knows how strong she is. She is fierce! The kind of lady that you don't want to fight with. I don't remember her falling apart when my Dad was sick. We all had that initial shock. Cried. And then picked up the pieces to help him on his journey.

Yesterday we couldn't calm my Mom down after her MRI. She's had them before. But something was different yesterday. And today, she needed a Lumbar Puncture. It's not anxiety before the procedure. So much as it's post-scan/test. And the anxiety isn't even about waiting on results. It's about the procedure. 

Today they needed to see if she could lay on her stomach or right side. And we were struggling. The techs downstairs kept calling. My Mom was in so much pain. But she was trying. Eventually the doctor made the decision to just send her downstairs. Let that team, take a go at it. So we'd stop tiring her out.

They ordered transport. And we prayed. It also happened that a priest had come by earlier. To pray, bring us communion, and to anoint her. So we prayed some more. I asked various people to pray. And right now, they are downstairs.

But my Mom is so brave. She needs this test to confirm the type of cancer that is present. And so they know how to move forward. I know my Mom was scared. I saw the shaking hands. The silent tears that escaped her eyes. And I heard it in her voice. But when her tech walked in the room, she told her, "Let's do this."

My strong Mom is out there being strong. She's so brave. And she's a fighter. Boy is she a fighter! Please keep her in your prayers. I don't normally document these things on here. But I want you to know, my Mom is brave. And we're going to fight this fight together. 

As a caregiver, I might cry. Like today. In the stairwell. Because my Mom was in so much pain. And trying to be brave. Not asking for meds. I might cry, when the doctor says something. And I'm so grateful we have to wear these masks. That absorb all my silent tears. That I hope I'm hiding...but they're probably falling anyway. 

I've been trying to practice some self care. Even here at the hospital. Sunrise walks around the hospital. Visiting the little bunnies in the garden...2 or 3 times a day. Running up and down 6 flights of stairs...4 times. At least twice a day. Little things. Taking a few minutes to shower. Also allowing myself to feel things as they're happening. Even if I cry in the stairwell. I'm not ashamed. I know this is hard. I know we have a long road. And I know I'm only human. I just hope...I'm half as brave as my Mom. 💜

Grateful

I can't think of any other word. Grateful just seems appropriate. We had the BEST tech yesterday. She went over and beyond. Changed all the bedding. Helped me shower my Mom. Got me linens. So I could shower. Even made sure no one came to our room...so I didn't have to rush in the shower. Made sure I had everything I needed to nap. 

Renee checked on us all day. Emptied the hat...because they've been monitoring my Mom's output. She brought fresh ice water every couple of hours. Took the food trays promptly. Emptied the trash. And when my Mom started to be really nauseous...she tried everything to help her and calm her.

Last night we got another really good tech. And an outstanding nurse. I stay at the hospital at night...to help as much as possible. Because I personally know both sides. And if I can help take my Mom to the restroom, make her comfortable, or help her eat...why not? It frees everyone else up...for the patients that need more care.

But our nurse last night...was on it! She didn't let the IV pump beep more than twice before she was in the room. She stayed ahead of my Mom's pain. Was so super quiet and attentive. After 1AM....she was the one taking my Mom to the bathroom. So I could rest.

This morning we found out...they were short staff last night. But you would have never known. She was so good at her job. And going over and above. My heart was so grateful. She didn't make my Mom feel bad...because she needed pain meds. Or wanted jello at 3AM. Or when she asked for new socks. Jessica was so happy to help.

Today we have 2 other amazing people. Shawn was a tech 7 years ago when my Dad was in the hospital. He is so good! I learned so many tricks from him. On how to take care of my Dad. Things that made it easier for both my Dad and I. He's a great guy. And our nurse Megan...she seems amazing! Came in with the best attitude. 

I'm so grateful when you get people like this on your team. Honestly all day yesterday, we felt like they were trying to throw us out. The Hospitalist wanted to know why the nephrologist wouldn't OK the MRI. Because it's the only thing keeping us here. And apparently, they need the bed. It seemed as though there was a bit of a difference of opinion going on. But Christine doesn't back down to anyone. She has been a great addition to our team. Whenever I'm feeling uncertain about something...I ALWAYS ask Christine. I really value her opinion. 

Today I am just grateful for these amazing people. Along with my Mom's oncologist, her physical therapists, and the cardiac team. They take the edge off of things. Like I don't have to second guess what's going on. We've had them on our team for so long. We've been through so much. It just feels right. I can breathe and let them do their jobs. I can take a few days, to just be. To be attentive to my Mom's needs. And not be worrying about her care. I'm so grateful for these people, that God has put on our path. 💜

Fundraising Fridays #1

So I want to try something new. I run our little business Two Crafty Hearts. It's a business that my Mom and I started almost 20 years ago. And for the last 5 or 6 years, we've really expanded. We sell at local Craft Shows and Growers' Markets.

People always ask about the various colors of tags. So here's a quick run down. We have a pink that goes with the dog section of our business Love, Puppy Momma. I make various dog items. We have an orange tag, that goes with a foundation we started for my Mom when she got sick in 2016. It's to help pay her medical bills.

We have a yellow tag, were sales go directly into our scholarship fund for Love for Blue. Those sales are used just for scholarships for ABQ Youth. Our green tag, that's the one that is for our business. The one that pays the bills. 

The last two, are our biggest sellers. The blue tag benefits the Love for Blue Foundation. We use money from this fund for scholarships, for sponsorships, to help Cancer families, for fundraisers, and once a year we make a donation in my Dad's name. To cancer research. He's the reason we started all of this. And unfortunately, we lost him to Colon Cancer in 2015.

Lastly, our purple tags go to support this place. Our Love Caregivers section. We use this money to send notes, cards, or small gifts to caregivers. We try and host a meal every 3 months or so...at our local hospital. For caregivers. And we try and help, when we can, with some of the expenses for local caregivers. Like meals while their loved one is in the hospital, a tank of gas, or on occasion...a hotel room.

All of this takes a lot of money. And time. When we are not actively selling at the Growers' Markets...money gets really tight. And our work greatly slows down. So I thought, why not showcase some of the items to benefit Love Caregivers.

So I'm going to be honest here. I've been on the Yoda bandwagon. And not much else is being made. But I still need to create some items for this space. I made about 10 of these little bags. They hold little ponies, unicorns, and pegasus.

I've made these bags for years. But for boys. With cars, bugs, and toy soldiers. And the other day, I thought why not make some for the girls? These bags actually came out of a convo with some kids. They were looking for little bags to stash their "treasures."

If you are interested, please leave me a comment. Or send me an email. I'll continue to post my "purple" creations weekly. And if you are interested in purchasing products that directly go to this cause...look for the purple tags when you see us out and about! 💜